I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
