its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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