does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
