Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
