It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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