Fine. I'll sleep in my office
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
