I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
