So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize