well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
