i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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