So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
