@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
