Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
