just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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