party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
