This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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