literally had 100 drinks last night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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