i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
