I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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