cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
