Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
