Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
