R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
