Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
