i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Randomize
