I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The Olympian is in my bed
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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