At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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