Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
