He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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