Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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