Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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