Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
