You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
