he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
