Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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