so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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