so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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