no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
