nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
