my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
