Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
