Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
