I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's blow job season.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
