My nipple is on Facebook.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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