this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
