Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
