I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
