Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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