The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize