Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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