apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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