She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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