At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
