omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
A bitchslap is in order.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
