I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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