You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize