What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
