Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize