ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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