you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
