in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
