Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it because I queefed?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize