wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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