That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize