i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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